You are fired, effective immediately and your computer is locked.
We are going to spare you the sanctimonious bullshit of how we hired too many of you during the Pandemic and now with economic uncertainty we need to fire some of you (10,000 give or take). Elon Musk may be a loon, but he really did get the ball rolling at Twitter, and we thank him for it.
We are firing you because we can, and we will look bad if every other technology company fires tens of thousands of people and we don’t. Wall Street will punish us, and then our CEO won’t make as much money as he’s used to. What would he tell his friends at Davos?
This is America at-will employment. It’s a beautiful thing. We can fire you at any time for any reason with or without notice, unless its discriminatory (and good luck proving that). We’re not like those communist European countries where the government has rules to protect employees. Hell no, we can do whatever we want. And this is what we want to do. Suck it up and pick yourself up by the bootstraps.
Did you really think we were going to continue to let you work at home in your pajamas and give you glowing reviews and raises forever? No way. We’ll also be closing the gourmet cafeterias and free personal training, so there’s that.
We’d wish you well but we don’t care. You can go on to your social media feeds and commiserate with your former colleagues to make yourself feel better.
You still have your stock options, which will be worth even more once we inform Wall Street of your firing.
Have a great day.
Your former People and Culture Department @twitter, amazon, salesforce, google, paypal, microsoft, ibm etc, etc.
